


Heartless

by YourGirlThursday



Series: Blind Spots [8]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Episode Tag, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-17
Updated: 2014-11-17
Packaged: 2018-02-25 19:08:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2632904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourGirlThursday/pseuds/YourGirlThursday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was strangely poetic. He had felt like his heart was torn from his chest the moment that the ropes had tightened around his wrists. Now he was literally experiencing that agony.</p><p>(Episode Tag for 4x09: Smash the Mirror Part 2)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heartless

**Author's Note:**

> This is a bit of a wordy, angst-filled ramble. Sorry, I had a lot of feelings.
> 
> I own nothing.

Killian felt like all the breath had been knocked out of him. Emma was still missing, probably with the Crocodile, while Killian was without a vessel to find her. He paused for a moment outside of the pawn shop to get his bearings. His eyes shut of their own accord, allowing him to visualize a map of Storybrooke. His mind shuffled through several options before deciding on the best route for him to take. The task kept his panic at bay for the moment. It slowly crept up on him the second he started down the street though.

Emma was in trouble, unfathomable depths of trouble. The Crocodile's magic hat would take her away. Killian had seen firsthand what the object could do to a magic user. Ever since Mary Margaret had told him that Emma was getting rid of her magic, the memory of what he had a hand in kept cropping up. Emma's body hadn't superimposed itself onto the images, but it wouldn't be long until it did. Seeing Emma like that would ruin Killian.

The trek to the manor felt both longer and shorter than it should have. More than once Killian mulled over the idea of calling David or Mary Margaret for a ride. If he did then he would first have to convince them that Emma losing her magic was a bad thing. He wasn't willing to gamble away precious minutes on such a longshot. David seemed so set on letting Emma do what she wanted. Mary Margaret might understand if Killian explained what he knew and how he knew it. The only hitch would be that Mary Margaret was unlikely to trust him after that. For all her talk about hope and love and trust, Killian wasn't sure that she'd see the romanticism in his original gesture.

It was a shame that Elsa or Henry couldn't drive. Either one would've been easy to ally with. Henry snuck out in the middle of the night and went after Emma alone. He would do anything for her if she was in danger. Elsa was understanding of everything and had magic which was a bonus. She was more ill at ease in Storybrooke than Killian was though. She didn't even have a phone. Henry, on the other hand, was underage in this realm. Killian thought that this was ridiculous. He'd been sailing, which had more dangers attached to it, at a much earlier age.

It was so disheartening for Killian to finally arrive at the manor only to be stopped just outside. He could hear the clamor and the clash of magic inside the building. He felt helpless as was tied up at the mercy of his oldest foe. His pleas fell flat. Killian was nothing more than an idiot, full of sound and fury. He could only watch as his love practically sprinted toward death, her arms wide open in welcome.

Then it happened. All of the commotion ceased. The terrible smile slid right off of the Crocodile's face. Emma had prevailed. She won. One of the many things Killian loved about Emma was that she was a survivor. She was so strong and resilient. As she told him before, she saved herself.

That high moment of triumph was quickly squashed when the Crocodile tore Killian's heart from his chest. It was strangely poetic. He had felt like his heart was torn from his chest the moment that the ropes had tightened around his wrists. Now he was literally experiencing that agony. The knowledge that the Crocodile was in possession of his heart was worse than that pain though. Killian had always felt like Emma held his heart in her hands. He trusted her with it. He gave over complete control to her. She was in charge of their love story and how quickly it progressed. Now all of Killian's control was in the hands of his only enemy. He could be forced to do any number of awful things, even if they were to Emma. She was the last person he would ever want to hurt, and now he might be forced to.

The Crocodile's plan sickened Killian. He had to use that hat on Elsa. It was possible that the Snow Queen could also be used, but it would be harder to get to her. Killian would be propelled toward this goal. Every step toward it would also be a step toward death.

Finding Emma in the manor wasn't as big a relief as he had hoped. Holding her, kissing her, did little to quell the anguish simmering in Killian's veins. He could already feel the need to accomplish his task. His fingers itched to close around Elsa's throat or knock her out and drag her around by her braid. A thousand ways to incapacitate her flickered through Killian's mind. It was only focusing on Emma's face that dulled those thoughts to mere static.

Killian felt drawn to the room with the hat in it. He tucked the item in his jacket. It occurred to Killian then that he might not have to hide the thing. The Crocodile never said he had to accomplish things immediately. He also never said he couldn't tell everyone what he had to do. It would even further the goal if he proposed this as a way to stop the Snow Queen. It would be hard, but it would still fulfill the requirements the Crocodile set forth.

Now he just needed to solve that whole part where he was going to die at the end of this. It would probably be best to keep that from Emma.

* * *

As Emma watched her family mill around she wondered how she had ever doubted them. Mary Margaret practically sat in Emma's lap on the car ride home. She alternated between hugging her daughter and crying. Even now as she cleaned up the hot chocolate she was beaming. David was more reserved in his affection. He let his wife have her time. Once they were home he stopped by Belle's to pick up Neal. Henry made a point of sitting next to Emma whenever he could. She took it as his way of saying that he wasn't upset about her hurting him.

Killian had been quiet since he had handed over the hat. He mentioned that they might be able to use it on the Snow Queen. He was silent the whole way home. To be fair, he was in the trunk space of David's SUV on the way home. There were only five seats in the car, but six people. They decided to pick up Emma's car the next day and break several traffic laws in the process.

For all the words Killian wasn't saying, his face tried to make up for it. The intensity of his gaze had ratcheted up severely since the manor. Emma had thought he looked at her with love and adoration before. That was nothing compared to the naked longing she now saw. It was hunger, pining, need and desperation all rolled into one. There was an edge of something else that was new, but Emma couldn't quite identify it.

Earlier he had called it right after Emma talked with Mary Margaret. He rang at just the wrong time. Emma was backing her car out of her hiding spot when her phone slid under the passenger seat. It started ringing not long after. Even though she was on an empty road, it would've been dangerous to dig around as she drove. The Snow Queen interrupted her before she was able to rescue the phone. Then she ditched her car. Emma was curious as to what the message said. Knowing Killian it was something romantic or swoon worthy. He knew how to make even cynical Emma weak in the knees.

Killian stood up and walked his empty cup over to Mary Margaret. "Thank you for your hospitality, but I really must be on my way."

"David and I were going to make breakfast tomorrow morning. We'd love it if you could join us," Mary Margaret said. The look David shot Mary Margaret made it clear that this was a last minute idea of his wife's.

Killian's mercurial eyes met Emma's. Every time Emma thought she had a read on what he was feeling, his face shifted and displayed a whole new emotion.

"I would. Thank you. Would it be alright if I stole Emma away for coffee beforehand?" Killian asked, his question directed at everyone though he looked to Emma for an answer. She nodded in response. There was something bothering him and she had a feeling he would tell her at their coffee date.

Elsa and Mary Margaret exchanged knowing glances. It was too much for Emma to take. She wanted some alone time with her pirate. It was awkward having other people witness their private moments. Emma drained the last of her cocoa in one big gulp. She had tried to savor the cup, making it last much longer than everyone else did.

"I'll walk you out, Killian," Emma said as she grabbed her jacket. She studiously avoided the looks of her family.

Killian took her hand and led her out the door before anyone could object. As soon as the door closed he placed his hand gently on the side of Emma's neck. He leaned in for a slow, deliberate kiss. Emma felt like he was memorizing every inch of her mouth. When they finally pulled back Killian removed his hook and stashed it in his jacket.

"Just give me five more minutes," Killian pleaded, his voice raspy with desperation.

Emma pulled him in for a quick kiss. "I'll give you ten."

Killian smiled wickedly before swooping in. If their previous kiss was a slow exploration, then this one was a savage plundering. Killian's hand and unhooked forearm were everywhere, making circuits from her hair to her back to her hips. It now made sense as to why Killian had removed his hook. His movements were reckless and instinctive, unfettered by his concern over goring her.

Emma moved them so she was leaning against the wall. Her hands skimmed the skin just under the hem of Killian's shirt. He leaned into her ministrations and kissed her with even more hunger. Emma answered in kind, matching his intensity.

They continued for several more minutes until both parties were flushed and out of breath. Emma could feel her heart beating wildly, nearly escaping her chest. She made the decision to keep going though. Her mouth traced the column of his neck. Killian's head lolled back, allowing her better access. Emma took the invitation and flipped them so Killian had his back against the wall.

"Swan," Killian groaned.

The throatiness of his voice delighted Emma and made her continue onward. Her teeth grazed Killian's earlobe, causing him to shudder. He started saying her first name over and over again. It sounded like a prayer the way he kept chanting it. Emma pressed one last kiss on Killian's collarbone before moving back. His breathing slowly went back to normal. He stared at her with such anguish that Emma wondered if he was more upset about what happened that day than he let on.

"I have something to tell you. I need you to hear this, but it will change everything," Killian said as he entwined his hand with one of hers.

Emma looked down at their interlocked hands. She had a feeling she knew what Killian was going to tell her. It was something she had known for a while now, something she had also been feeling.

"I love you," Emma told him simply.

His reaction was not what Emma expected at all. Killian's head thudded back against the wall. His eyes closed to, if Emma wasn't mistaken, hold back tears. The agony in his eyes would haunt Emma tonight.

"I love you too. You've known that. That wasn't what I was going to tell you though, love."

Emma knew deep in her bones that whatever Killian was about to say might break her. It was clear that it had shattered him already.

"What happened?" She asked.

Killian rubbed his thumb along the inside of Emma's wrist. "The Crocodile took my heart. He's forcing me to help him trap someone magical with that infernal hat. He wants to separate his power from that dagger of his and this is the last ingredient he needs. I saw him do it before. Helping him that day was the price of having my hand for our date. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

Emma took a moment to process the information. It hurt that Killian didn't share this information previously. She didn't like it when he kept things from her. What bothered her more though was that he felt he needed to do anything that drastic to make her happy. He had become an agent of evil just to touch her with both hands. She didn't want him sacrificing pieces of his soul for her like that.

"I'll be mad at you later, but we will have a serious talk about making deals when this is all done."

Killian nodded. "I deserve that. I just needed you to know that I may not be myself soon. The Crocodile isn't exactly friendly with me. He may decide to make me hurt you purely for his own pleasure."

Emma's heart broke at the look on Killian's face. He was so distraught over this mess. There was something nagging Emma though. She felt like there was some dot she hadn't yet connected.

Then it hit her. It explained the way Killian was looking at her. That unexplained emotion she kept seeing was urgency.

"Killian, what was the other ingredient for Rumple's spell?" Emma asked, knowing the answer already but needing to hear it.

Killian's face fell. "The heart of someone who knew him before he became the Dark One."

Emma could tell just what Killian was trying so hard not to outright tell her. It was his heart that the Dark One had taken. If Gold planned on using the heart in a spell then that meant Killian would never get it back. It would be destroyed during the spell.

_If it was destroyed then that meant that Killian would no longer be..._

The thought was too awful for her to finish. Emma felt her knees buckle beneath held fast though. She needed to be strong for Killian.

"And he's using your heart," Emma clarified so he knew that she understood him.

Killian nodded sadly. Emma disentangled herself from him slowly and popped her head into the apartment. David was the only one still in the kitchen. He was still holding onto Neal. Emma knew this wouldn't be easy, but it could've been Henry who she told. That would've been significantly more awkward.

"Gold did something to Killian. I need to go help him," Emma told her father.

David arched an eyebrow. "Is that what the kids are calling it these days?"

Emma closed her eyes in embarrassment. She could only imagine how this must look. Her hair was almost certainly mussed, and her lips were kiss bruised. While she did intend to spend some more time kissing Killian, she truly did want to take some time to strategize.

"We'll explain everything tomorrow at breakfast."

Emma closed the door behind her. Killian reached for her as soon as she turned around. Emma pulled him into a crushing hug immediately.

"I won't let him take you from me," she whispered defiantly into his chest.

Killian kissed the top of Emma's head. "I know. If anyone can save me, it's you, Swan."

**Author's Note:**

> This is definitely not how things will play out on the show, but I really hope he tells at least one of his allies what's going on.


End file.
